This has been quite a month so far. I’ve been really struggling with my direction in life because right now, praxis is not living up to theory. I’m living the reality that academia is not a safe space. It’s tough to think and write when I am constantly fighting anxieties stemming from academic double consciousness. Maybe this will help articulate my headspace.
To Thrive in Subjection
Sometimes when putting my thoughts together
I readily find
all the double consciousness
which secures the intangible chains that bind
all of my aspirations and all of my hope
upon a slippery tightrope
* * *
Being born into subjection,
I was raised a performer.
One that was made to wear many hats,
an implicitly coerced conformer.
I had to try my best
to assimilate all my mutable qualities,
in order to pass as a savage
surviving in captivity.
* * *
Am I alone here?!
I’d desperately cry,
my eyes wide open;
seeking to confide.
All I saw around me were shadows.
Of my sisterhood,
and of my comportment.
I saw all of us fighting
for our right to disorient
the status quo in all of its glory,
desperately trying to speak our truths to normativity.
* * *
We would be able to force the eyes of hegemony
to open painfully wide,
in order to see the brutal truth
that hides behind the ability
of the status quo to preside.
We would force chaos and tumult
upon its reign and glory,
finally able to see us
all bloodied and gory,
which results from our forced compliance
to a system set up to constantly damn us,
rendering the arduous task of forcing its eyes open
as our existential impetus.
Written by me 10.20.14
Upon attaining the current graduate degree I am attempting, I am going to likely take the time to do something different and to really attempt to address the issues I’ve been having when praxis does not live up to theory. I must challenge my coerced complicity within the academic industrial complex to find my direction, and to learn my next move.
Until Next Time Comrades,