She beckons me,
calling me into the night.
“Tell me your fears,
release latent tears,
follow me into the night…”
Sometimes I hold my teddy bear
all quiet in the night.
I squeeze it tight
as though it might
save me from my despair.
Lonely in my quiet dark space,
I yearn to think beyond myself.
But instead I squeeze my stuffed animal tight
to aid in completing another solitary night.
Sometimes I scream and sob into it,
releasing the sum of all my aggressions.
At other times it has fallen away,
hidden under other more prioritized possessions.
“Tell me more!” The Moon exclaimed with perseverant glee.
I could almost hear her beckoning me
making me begin to feel free.
One day I realized I was too late
to confront my torturous past.
A week or two too late
he’s gone and the regret I cannot mask.
That was the day that changed my life forever
I am no longer the same thing.
Unraveled by death to embrace the real,
It’s been years and I still feel the sting.
“I know there’s more, there always is,”
she replies without a step.
“Don’t be a bore and tell me more, why do you feel like hiding?”
I hide because I am not free
I hide because I’m scared.
I hide because when I put myself out there,
I am encountered mostly by despair.
I hide because I want to live
I hide because I’m weak.
I hide because I’m not hot enough
I hide because of the need.
I hide because I’m not the moon,
I hide because of the risk not hiding brings.
I hide because my words were sullied,
before they became my own.
The Moon hollered, “Stop this! At this moment please stop!”
tears brimming in my eyes.
“Go back to telling me things that bring you peace,
go back to talking about sweet release!”
And then I begin to cry.
Oh Moon, I can’t.
I can’t continue to deflect.
You see if I do, all I will continue to do
is to ignore myself and neglect
all the feelings inside of me
that are begging to be freed,
all of the idiosyncrasies that people cannot see.
I’m just saying,
I keep failing and neglecting,
grinning while deflecting
all the negative affect and smile.
You called me out tonight my precious moon
cause you knew I needed to talk a while.
The moon in all of her stunning fullness,
beaming energy, creativity, and introspection into my heart
to the point where I can no longer ignore her.
Beckoning me into her bosom,
to recount those days of yore.
Thank you for your healing rays,
cooling the fires of the past.
All it took was connecting with your soothing glow
eyes locking only momentarily
on the healing beams you cast.
The Moon’s response was unexpected,
and it was joyfully accepted.
Not a single other word was muttered
between the moon and I in that instance,
just a simple feeling of peace.
A peace that spread all through me,
lulling me to sleep.
Written by Me on 6.21.16