Breathing and Other Difficult Things.

Resurrection in the Light.

The crushing weight of my chest

compressing,

heaving,

bounding,

daring never to let me breathe.

* * *

I’ve been waking up every day

feeling worse

knowing of the weight

our communities were forced

to live through,

to die through,

to suffer and cry through,

but all I really want…

…is to breathe.

* * *

Living in a place in vain

slowly lures me to a plane

of perpetual fantasies of impending doom

thoughts of never feeling again

are the dreams I groomed

Though all I needed to do was breathe.

* * *

I used to write ’til they told me I can’t

I used to smile

I used to dance

Now all I’m in is an endless trance

“I’ve got to get out of here!”

Please, just give me the chance TO BREATHE.

* * *

I was able to get away from that place

that decayed my soul

with its maddening embrace.

I moved most of my belongings,

and tossed some along the way.

Yet there still remained that crushing weight

Not allowing me to breathe.

* * *

I paced myself with bated breath

each gasp for air harder than the last,

with every box that I unpacked

I still felt hopelessly trapped.

Trapped inside my own world of despair

locked inside of my own heart

fully broken

and in need of air.

* * *

Barely noticed that the skies began to darken

and as the crashing thunder rolled,

I realized I was mostly alone

and my emotions could not be controlled.

As the storm moved closer to me

I felt a strange feeling welling up inside.

“Distract, distract, I must find something to distr-…”

The exclamation of the lightning bolt yelling outside my window

so powerfully brilliant and violently interrupting

all of the distractions,

all of the weight,

all of the fantasy of the doom that decimates,

SLAMS into the earth outside my bedroom window

and with a roaring CLAP of thunder

the skies opened up with rain,

and in that moment through all of my pain,

I FINALLY BEGAN TO BREATHE.

* * *

And OH! to be able to BREATHE again

no more bated breath,

air flowing within.

At one with the chaos of the elements around me

not waiting one moment

for this freedom to cease inside of me.

* * *

A resurrection of passion

a sense of being was so incessant

tangible and shaking

I came to understand

though buried deep inside

the lightning within me was ever present.

-Written by Me on 7.28.16

 

So much transformation and change is happening in my world right now, I had to share a little of how it’s been. Slowing healing, slowly hurting, trying to feel and think my way through it all. I’m in a new town and ready for the newness this place has for me! I really look forward to rekindling my critical voice, I really miss being able to dig into sociocultural issues. Here’s to the future!

Until Next Time Comrades,

-D

 

 

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About thepsych1

I am a natural progression. As I learn and grow, so does this blog as a reflection of myself. Poetry Art Videos Critique Let's collaborate. Bring your friends.
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